Ever find that conversations with your single friends are completely different to the ones you have with your non-single mates? There’s something about finding a partner that turns some people into sanctimonious, patronising pricks and I just can’t handle it any longer.
Do non-single people truly believe they’ve got love figured out because they’re Facebook official? Because they’ve got someone to slob around in wank pants with? Because they have a plus one to social events? Do they suddenly forget how AMAZING being single is? Have their lovestruck brains wiped out the memories of dating a different guy each week or pulling on a night out?
It sometimes seems that way with the bollocks that comes out of their mouths.
My single friends get it. If I bemoan a shitty date, they just know that that’s what things are like nowadays. If I say I’m lonely, they’ll offer up a girly night in. If I say I just want to pull for a bit of fun, they don’t judge. They know to keep their mouths shut because they know this is a subject that can be emotive for some and boring for others.
Turn these bitches non-single and suddenly they lose tact.
I’m actually considering creating ‘Non-Single Bingo’ or heck even a drinking game because god knows I need alcohol to get me through little lectures from them about how to find a man. Want to play along? Have a stiff one every time you hear judgement over you seeking a stiff one…
‘Don’t worry you’ll meet someone.’
‘You just need to stop looking.’
‘You’re too fussy.’
‘He’s out there!’
‘It’s because you WANT to meet someone, focus on yourself.’
‘It’ll happen when you least expect it.’
‘Get off the apps and meet someone when you’re out.’
Can we just say a collective FUCK OFF to these seemingly well meaning but actually condescending twatweasles?
Just because YOOOOOUUU were so desperate for a boyfriend. Just because YOOOOOUUUU felt like shit every time someone pied you on a date. Just because YOOOOOUUUU are going to get married and have kids before me.
It doesn’t mean that the rest of us are that desperate, lonely or unhappy with being single or dating.
In all seriousness though, people approach dating in different ways. Some people are truly out their grafting every minute of every day to find a husband before their eggs dry out. They get exhausted. They feel down and lonely. They need a man to complete them. That’s cool. As a single person, I don’t judge their quest for a man or feel the need to give them advice on their situations. On the other hand, some single people are single because they don’t even want to entertain another person. Some people are single and like to sleep around. Some people are single but like dating. Some people are out looking to meet someone but are strong enough in themselves that a few knockbacks are frustrating but not worth getting upset over.
Non-single people just don’t get that because their coupled up lives are so perfect, they just don’t understand why people don’t want what they have. Non-single people also believe they’ve won at dating. They’ve achieved the final level and completed that stage. These victories make them confident. It’s with this confidence that they decide to share their tips and tricks for advancing to the same stage they’re at to anyone that has no choice but to listen.
Due to this lack of choice, I’m going to have to make a plea to the non singles I know.
UNLESS I ASK YOU WHAT I NEED TO DO TO BECOME NON SINGLE, STFU.
I just think we’d all get a long a lot better if we stopped offering advice to people who don’t need it or want it.
Someone who gives love advice on a blog.