Even though I wrote a post about ‘Dating Commandments‘ I’m actually rather against rules when it comes to dating. In each dating situation I’ve been in, I’ve applied different actions each time – all with varying results, which led me to think that there’s no hard and fast (fnarr) way of doing things.
The new show ‘Undressed’ on TLC disagrees. In a study they undertook, they came up with a list of rules that should be followed to ensure your dates turn into a full blown relationship. Other than assuming you’re dating to have a relationship (not everyone wants one but just enjoy meeting new people for attention and company), here are more problems I have with these ‘rules’.
You may kiss on the first date. I may kiss within 5 minutes of meeting him or not until date 3 (both times have turned into long term relationships) thanks. Attraction and wanting to kiss always depends on what the date was and who the person is. Say we’ve gone for an 11am coffee – I’m not going to let him fondle my Flat Whites on the couches at Starbucks whilst everyone spits out their Americano. Whereas if we’ve hit a dark, trendy cocktail bar where we have to lean in close to hear each other – the kiss is more accessible. Furthermore, you might not be sure if you want to snog each other after just one date. Some people can grow on you and a slow burn eventually ignites.
After the date, text within 15 minutes. The study stated that after ‘he’ sends the post date text, and you’re interested, you shouldn’t leave it more than 15 minutes to reply. Well sorry but if I get home and am gassing to housemate about how I made a fool of myself by telling a stupid story or about how much I fancied him because he did a sexy eye stare thing, that might take a while and I’m not going to interrupt talking about myself to reply. You’ll get your turn!
No sex before date 3. Now we have all been victims of the old ‘spunk and bunk’ but likewise, I’m pretty sure we’ve all been dumped after weeks/months/years of sleeping with someone. My view has, and will always be, that you can sleep with someone WHENEVER (as long as you’re safe) because if they revel in your rudies, they’ll want more whereas if they judge you for putting out or fuck’n’chuck, then you’ve learned pretty quickly they’re misogynistic and a dick. Perhaps by date 3 you’re gagging for it which is always good but you shouldn’t be made to feel bad for wanting to dip it on number 1 or 51.
Reach out on social media after 4 dates. SORRY WHAT. I’m not even friends with some of my actual friends on Facebook and I certainly don’t want him to see me hanging off Billy with the good beard in my club Snapchat story. Plus I know I’m a total social media stalker. Once those floodgates have been opened, I’m through every one of his Insta likes before he’s even followed me back. My only form of self control is to pretend he just doesn’t have social media. Or cut my fingers off.
Introduce to friends after 5 dates. Again LOL. What if I’ve told my friends about the 3 guys I’m dating at once and they don’t know which one he is? Plus I don’t want my friends investing in someone who is highly likely to ghost on me after 6 weeks. They’ll probably hear from him again before I do – been there.
Don’t talk about yourself too much. The study showed that people rarely got to date 2 if they talked about themselves too much on date 1. That is so unfortunate. My favourite subject is myself and my future husband has the incredibly difficult task of loving me more than I love myself. So if he can’t make it past date one with being regaled with my stories, chances are he doesn’t have enough stamina to put up with me. PLUS this doesn’t take into account that people can be awkward AF on a first date and sometimes, ‘you’ is the only comfortable subject.
Don’t allow your partner to undress you until date 5. Well this is the part of the study where I completely LOST IT. My favourite thing to do when I’m dating is get drunk with my date and party the night away. If he ends up back at mine, it’s highly likely a 2am Maccers wasn’t enough to sober me up and I’m going to need help getting my tights off. However if it means a ‘sexy undress’ where he peels my stockings down, unbuttons my shirt and slips it off my shoulders, GET FUCKED, this isn’t Hollywood. Getting undressed for sex is a limb tangle of being incapable of taking off a belt and the guy trying to prove his credentials by one handedly pinging off your bra except he’s inevitably shit at it and you end up intervening 14 attempts later.
Anyway, I think you get the point from this post that there should not be ANY rules when it comes to dating. Where some may love cocktails and before date 3 cock, pals might prefer a cute walk and no willy. You just need to navigate the dating world in whichever way feels most comfortable for you. And if you ever need advice – don’t read ridiculous rules, just holla atcha girl.