I’m single. It means I am on my own in relationship terms. The synonyms of single are not, ‘lonely’, ‘desperate’ or ‘pining’. So why do people perceive single women as if we have some sort of disease that only a man can can cure?
Of course there are women out there who don’t assist us with this perception. They tell everyone they know – if they’re not married by 40 they’ll have to have their eggs frozen. Or if they don’t meet someone soon, they might have to marry their best friend. They loudly long for a man to complete them and are miserable on their own. But I’ve got some news for ya. This isn’t every single woman. And it is some single men.
Dating journalists and bloggers don’t help either. ’14 ways to bag your man,’ ‘Why you’re single and lonely,’ ’10 things that’ll make him want to girlfriend you up,’ all scream at us in print. And those women. The egg freezers. The ones who date Gary with the awful eyebrows just because no one else matched her this week, they buy into it.
When society tells you you have to be married by 30. When it tells you not to be picky. When you’re led to believe you dry up after 35 and men won’t even look at you, it’s easy to become desperate.
We see it all the time. Women we know settling down with men that are wrong for them because they are too afraid of being alone or the ring of their alarm clock is alarmingly loud.
I think it’s time society gets its head around the fact that it is a woman’s world. Advancements in technology and the opportunities provided are much more beneficial for women nowadays. A woman’s worth is no longer determined by the man she marries. Her worth lies solely in who she is as a person and what she achieves in her life. Being a woman isn’t all about popping out a few sprogs and being carried over a threshold. A woman can achieve anything she sets her mind to and she doesn’t need a man by her side to achieve them. Sure, if she chooses one to mate up with, gwan girl, but it isn’t the only lifestyle option.
And you know what? If you’ve led a full and happy life and don’t meet anyone and you get older and your eggs have clapped out and your vag has dried up, so what? What’s to say having children and having a husband would’ve made you any happier? If in that time of singledom, you’ve travelled the world, created, inspired, achieved and grown, isn’t that what true happiness is?
Society needs to accept that there are women (and men) who enjoy being single. And by single I mean – got your own shit going on, love dating and meeting new people, need the odd bang but NOT desperate to settle.
Being single and being happy can go hand in hand. You CAN ENJOY BEING SINGLE. In fact, what’s not to like? I can do whatever I want without having to worry about a ‘him indoors’. I can shape my future for me and me alone. I can learn much more about myself than I ever can when I’m in a relationship.
But society doesn’t except this. Society drills it into us that the only path to happiness lies in finding our ‘other half’, settling down and reproducing.
But I’m here to say Nah.
Nah to feeling pressurised to un single yourself.
Nah to being made to feel like shit because you’re on your own.
Nah to the patronising comments and the sorry feeling from others.
Nah to feeling like you’re a diseased leper who should be colonised with other single people, waiting to die of loneliness.
Nah to the assumptions that single = miserable.
You know how you meet people in happy relationships and think, ‘cool’ or you’re not bothered at all? See how there’s no patronising there? See how there’s no assumption that your life choice isn’t an unhappy one? Freeing that, innit? Why aren’t singletons viewed in the same way?
Whenever I bemoan the dating life, people assume I’m bemoaning being alone. It’s not the same. I can enjoy being single and I can love dating but I can still hate getting fucked over by idiots. The most frustrating thing about being single is people assuming you’re sad and lonely. Maybe I do feel lonely. But maybe that’s because my mates are all busy or I haven’t been out on the weekend. Doesn’t mean I’m needing a man.
Who makes those assumptions most you wonder? An interesting observation I’ve made since being single is that the people most concerned with making assumptions about your status are those in a relationship. Those who have to make excuses not to have sex with their partner. Those who regale you with endless tales of rows they’ve had. Those who want to hear about your latest one night stands in gory detail. Those who come out on nights out and call their other halves 473 times to make sure they received their message. Those whose lives are made just because they’ve found the one.
The FUCKING assumptions drive me mad.
1. ‘Don’t worry you’ll find someone.’
2. ‘If it’s stressing you out this much, give it a rest.’
3. ‘It’ll come along when you least expect it.’
4. ‘You need to stop looking.’
All of these comments are based on assumptions that I’m looking for ‘The One.’ These are assumptions that being alone and not having a boyfriend are driving me mad. It’s wrong.
So let me get something straight.
1. ‘I’m not looking for someone.’
2. ‘It’s not stressing me out. I am a rational human being and yes I may scream at getting ghosted for the 46th time, I am able to take it in my stride and laugh it off.’
3. See statement 1.
4. See statement 1.
The only thing about singledom that needs to be cured is – people who’s business it is not’s opinions and assumptions.