The Spark – Myth?

You hear it all the time in dating stories. ‘As soon as I laid eyes on her, I felt the spark.’ Or, ‘Meh, he’s nice, there’s just no spark.’ Or even in long term relationships, ‘The spark has gone out.’ But what is the spark and is it just one big fat lie to cover a range of dating emotions? In reality it’s a term that is just confusing AF. Does anyone really know what ‘the spark’ is?

If you’ve ever encountered someone that has caught your eye (and I really hope you have) then you will recognise that familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach, the butterflies. You’ll remember that flush of blood to your face, the nervousness. You might even remember your adult bits arousing themselves out of a slumber, the fanny flutters. Is this ‘the spark’?

The initial attraction to a possible love interest is always so exciting. Why? Maybe it’s your brain’s way of switching on to the possibility of love. Maybe it’s your sexual organ’s that are switching on to the possibility of some good loving. But is that feeling supposed to last? Is that the ‘spark’? If so, isn’t it natural that once you’ve seen each other a few times, are relaxed in each other’s company and start moulding into one person, that the spark goes? So when budding relationships are ended for this reason, you can understand why we’re being left confused.

Maybe ‘the spark’ is something else.  Is it possible that ‘the spark’ is the connection two people feel? You’re chatting and you realise there’s lots you have in common. They make you laugh until a little bit of wee comes out. You see them with your friends and family and you go all melty. This is a spark you would hope should last with someone you’re in a relationship with but is easily extinguished when you’re dating someone who’s just alright. Someone who made you laugh the first time you heard their John Wayne joke but it’s now annoying after hearing it for the 3rd time. Maybe the first date was exciting because you were both smashed and now the second date is here, that ‘spark’ is gone quicker than the Jagerbombs were. Connections come and go and it’s perfectly normal to be into someone one minute and then not the next, for whatever reason. But does this mean there’s no spark? Especially if you’re still attracted to each other and had the feels when you first met. And why not just say that there’s no connection or you’ve gone off each other. Being a bit more straight to the point should be the way forward.

‘The spark’ is such an easy get out clause in dating. The quickest way to dump someone is to pull the No Spark card and be done with it. But it leaves people feeling flat and confused. There were dates, the convo just like el vino, did flow, you couldn’t keep your hands off of one another, you spoke about future plans and started to let yourself catch the feels but then the ‘no spark’ text is sent. Why? How did you have all of those things together without there being a spark?

For me, ‘the spark’ is a myth. Or at least a blanket term to cover all bases without much meaning in itself. Connections and attractions will come and go for numerous reasons but stating that ‘the spark’ is there, or not there, is just too much of a reductive term to describe what’s really happening. Whether it’s true love or just losing a connection.

How would you describe ‘the spark’ and do you believe in it?

Get the weekly Exciting Emails Newsletter!

No BS blogging tips, advice, opinions, resources and special offers every Sunday!

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit


  1. ninegrandstudent
    March 21, 2016 / 7:43 am

    Sorry – I’m one of those who does believe in the spark! I don’t think everyone gets it (and definitely don’t think a relationship without it is any worse) but for me, it happened. And at 16 that was bloody terrifying to the point I almost refused to get in the relationship!

    Prior to that moment I had always been extremely cynical, so it’s definitely not a romantic’s viewpoint either! x

    <a href="">NINEGRANDSTUDENT: A Student Lifestyle Blog</a>

  2. Siobhan
    March 22, 2016 / 9:12 am

    It’s a funny one! With my boyfriend it was a slow falling in love, I just didn’t trust the whole ‘being in love’ thing. But now, four years down the line, the spark is definitely there. I find it mostly when I’m looking at him without him noticing and thinking ‘I’m actually pretty darn lucky’ then he looks back at me and I can tell he’s thinking the same


  3. Isobel Thomas
    March 24, 2016 / 6:57 am

    This is such a good point! I’ve been on a couple of dates, but I’ve never felt that connection with them as I did with my ex. That feeling they give you when they talk to you, hold your hand, hug you etc. It’s hard to describe, but the whole spark thing definitely shouldn’t be used as a break up line as it’s a load bollocks to be honest and a quick way out of a relationship as they can’t be bothered to give you a reasonable explaination.

    Isobel x

    Latest post –
    Instagram –
    Bloglovin’ –
    New Video –

  4. Kara
    March 24, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    ‘The Spark’ is a total crock of shite if you ask me. Yes, you get the initial feels and the butterflies and all that nice stuff, but after you become comfortable that’s not always going to be there – I found it comes and goes in waves but is impossible (and draining to try) to maintain it as a constant. I ended a long term relationship in October, and it wasn’t because there was no ‘spark’ – he quite simply showed himself to be a dick. Fab post, and very true!



  5. Martha Jane
    April 6, 2016 / 10:05 pm

    I don’t know if I believe in a spark as such, but I believe in chemistry, and I think if you’ve got chemistry with somebody, then there’s no reason why it shouldn’t last. I do agree that people pull the ‘no spark’ card as a cop out reason for ending something when there’s probably another reason that’s much more plausible! x

    <a href="">Martha Jane |</a&gt;