What To Do If You’re Zombied

‘Hey, how’s u?’ Read one.
‘My world’s end wife.’ Read another.
‘How was Manchester.’ Read the last.

3 messages. 3 different guys. All in the last week. All guys I used to date but resigned firmly to the Whatsapp Graveyard after a shit date/shag/text relationship – delete as appropriate.

What To Do If You're Zombied

Asked if ‘zombieing’ was a thing, I’d tell you it was another dating buzz word straight from New York designed to easily describe often complex relationships. It was just magazine speak. But after these experiences I can safely confirm it is a thing.

So for the uninitiated – ‘zombieing’ is the thing that happens during Dating where you don’t hear from a person for ages – because they’ve either died or forgotten to message you back (or you stopped messaging them because they were boring) and it’s their last ditch attempt at getting your attention. They virtually come back from the dead. Oh and if you let them – they’ll easily eat your brain.

So why do people zombie? There could be a couple of reasons.

They’re not getting attention elsewhere – Zombies thrive off attention. They need constant stroking of their green-tinged, blistery bonces to feel good about themselves. Zombies will often pop up when their other brain reserves filled with attention-giving have run dry and they think that you might be a good source.

They want your attention specifically – maybe it’s taken these brain dead freaks a while to realise that you’re the bomb and that they couldn’t get the kind of attention you gave them any where else. It’s more likely the first option though.

So what should you do with one of these creatures?

Zombies are people that have ‘died’ for a reason in the first place. Usually they were a douche, or you were. Ask yourself, is this really someone you want to bring back from the dead fully? I know it’s flattering to be given the attention from one. Your brain will try and convince you that they’ve, ‘realised what a diamond you are,’ and want to give things another go but it’s VERY RARELY THE CASE. If you reflect and realise that yes, it’s flattering they’ve messaged you again BUT it’s really not worth resurrecting them then a swift ignore and re-assigning to the Whatsapp Graveyard is the way to go. Are they really worth any more energy than you gave them the first time?

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  1. April 12, 2017 / 12:20 pm

    hahah this is all so true! ah the joys of dating

  2. April 12, 2017 / 8:23 pm

    I’ve never heard this term before – I always learn something new when I read your blog! You’re so right saying that these relationships died for a reason. x


  3. April 13, 2017 / 8:12 am

    This is bloody brilliant 🙂

  4. Ellie
    April 14, 2017 / 7:45 pm


    At the end of January, I left a comment on your post “My Inbox is full of Beards” bragging about how chuffed I was about meeting this bearded bloke on Tinder and how things were just swell and he’d bought me a Christmas present and that Tinder was the best thing EVA.

    And whilst I am sure you’re much to busy (nor interested) in reading an update on the situation, I thought I should fill you in.

    It appears that whilst I was in this bubble of “tinder love” with this bearded muscle man, the feeling were not mutual and almost immediately, he started “forgetting” that we had planned dates, and cut the texting down to 3/4 a day. After a bit of a grump, I took the hint and backed off. Give it a week, he’s horny and texts me with a “I miss you, my head was in the wrong place” (example one of Zombieing”). However, I took this as aforementioned reason 2 – He realised I was the bomb and that he’d made a mistake. One dinner date and bizarre nasty/insult fueled sex made me realise I was probably best leaving this “relationship” to shrivel and die.

    2 months later, my phone lights up to a whatsapp from the bearded and now apparently “well travelled” muscle man, to inform me that he still cares for me.

    This “relationship” so far has been very much text based with the occasional meet up at his flat but nothing more. I refuse to sleep with him as I know feelings will arise. But I get the same feeling that there is no intention for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

    Do I just accept that I am his “text pal” when he’s craving attention, cut all ties and let him and his bulging biceps fade into my past or do I express my true feels and hope he “changes” (or am I fooling myself to think this is even an option?).

    Yours sincerely,

    Lonely heart/retired tinder user.