Writing this whilst coming back from a night out FYI…may have around 7 G&Ts in me…
1. The horrendously greasy, carbed and downright suspicious meals you have immediately after finishing drinking and prior to hailing a cab are some of the most gourmet tasting morsels that will ever pass your dehydrated and cracked lips.
2. The taxi ride home inevitably lulls you in to the deepest sleep possible with its rhythmic motions and not-at-all vom inducing speed bump attacks.
3. As you stumble unsteadily through the door, kick off your shoes; FINALLY the toes you’ve cramped up for 4 hours and the swollen balls of your feet, begin to sing a pulsing tune of relief.
4. The pint of water (which you spill at least 7/8ths of) glides down your throat and fully hydrates your swollen brain and broken down shell of a body. For about an hour.
5. Someone mentions ordering pizza and the kebab you had 20 minutes previously, feels like an adequate starter. The rule = if you don’t remember eating it, neither will your scales.
6. Britain’s Got Talent after 11 G&Ts? Definitely the funniest television you’ve ever watched. AND the saddest. Why are you crying? You don’t know but it feels good. So good.
7. Climbing into your bed (still dressed and with make up on fleek) and suddenly realising you are FREEZING. But it’s k because your duvet is gentler than the hug from the old man doing a crossword at the bar.
8. That beautiful sensation of throbbing feet, ringing ears and the feeling of being on a roller coaster is THE best feeling to fall asleep to. Euphoria, I believe it’s called.
9. Waking up at 2am GASPING and remembering you brought up a spare pint of water. It’s only at times like these when you truly appreciate your forward thinking ability.
10. Lazily waking up at midday, having slept a baby’s sleep with hazy recollections of rapping N****s in Paris to a bar full of people, with a huge smile on your face because you’re about to hit up a Golden Grill and analyse/recollect the night with your besties.
I need a night out, out. Who’s down?
Also… I’m going back in 104 days. YASSSS.