Let’s just start by saying a big thanks to Kylie Jenner for this incredibly poignant quote which has helped to inspire this post. Every time I see the Kylie meme, I can’t help but reflect on all the stuff I’ve realized this year. So here are a few things I’ve realized:
People aren’t all they seem. This realization comes in many forms. I’ve met people this year who appear happy, confident and lively but up close and personal are wracked with insecurities and a fear of failure. These are people I try every day to care for, to check up on and let vent to me. I’ve met men that promise me the world and appear to be totally crazy about me who then fade into the ethers quicker than they declared their feelings for me. These are people I try every day to stop caring about. Finally, there are people who appear to be genuine, friendly and approachable but upon closer inspection are rude, entitled and have their heads so far up their arses they can re-taste the herb stuck between their teeth. These are people I could care less about.
Situations are perspective based. I honestly think I’ve had a life-awakening from watching The Affair. An account from the perspective of all people involved in an affair, it has me completely gripped. The thing I love most about this show is how different situations are played out in everyone’s perspectives but so many details, conversations and events play out in different ways. In one person’s view, a character is self-assured, sassy and confident but in another view they are plain and awkward. It’s made me realize that not everyone thinks or sees things in the same way that I do. Everyone makes up their own narratives and I need to be more patient and understanding of people who see things differently to me.
Watchers aren’t always likers. A lot of times this year I’ve gotten frustrated with different people. The guy who closely watches all of my social media but won’t text me back. The other guy who constantly messaged me, telling me he’d read this post, or seen me do this thing but wouldn’t make any moves to ask me out. The girl who I’ve never had a cross word with but who subsequently unfollowed me on every platform BUT still peeps my Snapchat and Insta stories. I couldn’t understand why they had such a close interest in my life but weren’t being friendly or putting on any moves. Surely if they’re that interested it’s because they like me? Well, not always. The Year of Realizing Stuff has made me aware that there are many wolves in sheep’s clothing and people’s actions speak very loudly.
I don’t know what I want. Obviously, as the title of this post hints at, I’ve realized a lot this year. One thing I’ve come to realize is that I haven’t yet realized what I want from life. Half of me wants to see every corner of the world and experience everything that life has to offer. The other half cannot get motivated to leave the house. Half of me never wants to get married or have children – I’ve been near both and neither made me happy. Half of me is lonely. Half of me really wants a boyfriend. Someone I can turn to, confide in and do exciting things with. Half of me loves dating and ‘seeing what’s out there,’ (shit, mainly shit). I could easily become anxious about this. About getting older and not having a life plan but that’s not what I’ve realized. I’ve realized that life is just about being happy. That’s it. It’s quite simple. And if I’m not happy, I have to do things that make me happy. And if I am happy, I need to do more of those things too.
Getting older isn’t scary. I spoke to many a friend in the lead up to turning 30. They all professed that turning 30 was terrifying (mainly friends that weren’t yet 30). By 30 I should have money, a career, a relationship and soon a family they would tell me. Isn’t that what life is all about? They asked. But then I spoke to friends that were post 30, (not the ones who are perpetually depressed and obsessed with every grey hair appears and can audibly sense their biological clock ticking) and they told me how much they loved getting older. They told me you’d realize more about yourself, what makes you happy and what you want to achieve. And they were right. With every passing moment of my 30s, I’m learning and realizing more.
I’m sure there are many more things I’ve realized – infact I know there are and I’m currently recording them in the book I’m writing (32/220 pages done bitches). But what have you experienced in your Year of Realizing Stuff?
PS Yes I know ‘realise’ is spelled with an ‘s’ but the ‘z’ is an homage to the wonder Kylie Jenner who blessed us with the ability to realize shit.